Musings of a Mother

Best Homemade Refried Beans Ever!

2011-09-17T19:24:00.000-06:00

I got this recipe for homemade refried beans at a recent Enrichment, I mean Relief Society Meeting meeting, courtesy of realmomkitchen.com. It is AMAZING! One try and you will never go back to boring ol' refried mush from a can. Once you make them, you can use them in burritos, tacos, salads, or whatever you use refried beans with. Here is the recipe:

3 cups dry pinto beans (rinsed)

1 onion, diced

9 cups of water

5 teaspoons salt (I used less - because you can always add more)

1 3/4 teaspoon pepper

2 T minced garlic (I used about 1 - it's totally up to you)

1/8 teaspoon cumin

Put all ingredients in a crockpot and cook on high for about 8 hours. After they are done, drain all of the liquid out, saving the liquid! Mash beans with a potato masher (I put mine in the blender because my beans were a little old) or whatever you mash with. Add liquid, a bit at a time, to desired consistency. Makes about 6 cups. Freezes well. Love 'em!

You're My Sister

2011-07-21T09:51:00.000-06:00

My sister heather has Epilepsy. It all started about 20 years ago when she began having seizures. They were terrifying. I don't think any of us ever got used to seeing her have a seizure. After having a grand-mal seizure, my sister would be "out" for the rest of the day, completely wasted. Sometimes she would bite her tongue. Sometimes she would stop breathing. Always, she would wet the bed. My sister has managed her Epilepsy over the years with increasing doses of very strong medications. Medications that have had significant side-effects such as weight-gain, kidney and liver damage to name a few. And still she would still have seizures.

As she has aged, her seizures have become more frequent, and she has started having "petit mal" seizures during the day. They are just like their name suggests, smaller, shorter seizures where Heather would just zone out for a few seconds. Sometimes she would be walking and just fall down, and it would take her a minute to get up and be "reachable." She hasn't had a driver's license in years.

Well, she finally got fed up with the seizures, the uncertainty and the anxiety of it all and decided to take a drastic risk in order to put an end to her daily nightmare. She decided to have the portion of her brain that was causing her seizure activity surgically removed.

She began with scores of testing and hospital stays, all designed to try to find where in her brain, her seizures were originating. The only problem was, they couldn't find it. They even sewed electrodes into her cheekbones to see if they could get a reading, with no success. So the only thing left to try was a nightmarish procedure called "grid mapping," They opened up a portion of her skull, placed 60 electrodes on her brain, and closed her skull again using titanium screws. Then they waited. The doctors felt like they only needed one good seizure to get an accurate reading. They got five in a row. So two days later, they operated on my sister, removing a section (about 2/3rds of a twinkie size is how they explained it) of her brain. We had no idea how my sister would come out of her surgery. We didn't know, nor could the doctors guarantee, if she would have any speech, motor, or visual impairments. We didn't know if she would lose her memory. What we did know, what that the brain is an amazing thing, and that hers had already compensated for seizure damage by switching her speech and motor functions to opposite hemispheres.

Well, after her second surgery, I decided to go see her. My husband and I had seen her before she went into her second surgery, after she had already been through her first. She had a mass of electronic cords coming from a giant bandage on her head, and she was in pain, but she was in pretty good spirits, was able to laugh and talk, and generally looked and acted like my sister. So after having seen her in that state, I was unprepared for what I found when I went up after her second surgery.

Although she had had all of her bandages removed and electrodes removed, she was swollen almost beyond recognition. Her right eye was completely swollen shut. Her hair had been buzzed. She had almost 40 staples covering the left side of her head in the shape of a U. She also had a shunt that was draining fluid from her brain. I was speechless. I was not prepared to see her that way.

Because she was asleep, I decided not to wake her up, but just write her a note and leave instead. But before I could get out the door, she opened her one eye and looked at me. I didn't see any sign or recognition. To make matters worse, she began speaking nonsensically. I began to be worried. She kept asking me if I could get that "white thing with a black top and if I thought that would help?" Help what? I eventually figured out that she was wondering if a warm washcloth would get the "stuff" out of her swollen eye. So I warmed a washcloth and wiped her eye over and over again. She asked me if it looked better. I said no, because it didn't, but I probably should have said yes, just to make her feel better.

At that point my mom walked in her room and explained that her speech was normal for this type of brain surgery. Her brain was simply learning to "rewire." My mom left again to go get her a smoothie, and she and I were left alone. She kept asking me to wipe her eye and so I did. Before I left to go, I decided to ask my sister is she knew who I was.

"Heather, do you know who I am?"

She looked at me with her one good eye and said: "You're my sister."

I felt so relieved! But I decided to probe further.

"Which sister?"

"My oldest sister."

"What's my name?"

"Stephanie."

When she said my that I started to cry. She remembered me. She knew who I was. But even beyond that, her remembrance of me felt like it was more than a simple statement of fact. It felt like an awareness of a connection between us, an acknowledgement of our sisterhood. A bond, no matter what it's quality, that will never be broken, no matter what comes between us.

When Nurturing Doesn't Come Naturally

2011-07-08T22:51:00.001-06:00

This post is a rewrite of an essay I posted earlier entitled "My Job Description." I submitted it to the Power of Moms and they thought it didn't appeal to a broad enough audience and encouraged me to rewrite it. Well, through much blood, sweat, and tears, (and a little help from my husband), this was the result. I thought I would publish it here. It will appear on the Power of Moms website next month.

When Nurturing Doesn’t Come Naturally

I was a lawyer once.

Now I am a full time wife and mother. I never thought my life would turn out this way. To be honest, I never knew if “mothering” was in me. Even now, I’m still trying to figure out how to do it well. Why? Because I am not, by nature, a nurturer. Or maybe I am, but my "instincts" have abandoned me somewhere along the way. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I am much too task oriented. I like to do things, to accomplish things. Check things off a list.

Growing up I never thought much about motherhood. I mean, I always assumed I would be a mother, but I never dreamt about it. I never played with dolls or babies and I didn’t even like Barbies all that much. I never even liked to babysit! But I always had other ambitions. I loved school, wanted to be a lawyer, and eventually get involved in politics and maybe even run for office. Something important! And my parents always told me that I was really good at arguing, so I might as well become an attorney and get paid to do it. Why did I have to be a mother anyway?

Now I knew that there was nothing wrong with ambition. And I knew that there was no reason why I couldn’t be involved in politics, or run for office, or have a career when the time was right.

But I needed a reason to be a mother.

Fortunately, God must have known that, because he gave me one. Shortly after I graduated from law school, and I had already married, I happened to be listening to a program on TV. I cannot remember who was speaking, but he said something I will never forget: women are meant to be mothers because they have special abilities, given to them by God, that are unique to them, that enable them to nurture and care for their children.

Oh. Whoops.

Well, that hit me between the eyes.

I had seen, even known of women who seemed to have those abilities; women who were sensitive, warm, empathetic and caring. Women who loved being mothers. In fact, I have a sister-in-law who loves nothing more than to sit and hold babies. I never loved to sit and hold babies. I have never even loved to sit! Could I become one of those mothers? Did I have some of those special abilities somewhere inside of me? At that moment, on that afternoon, my faith led me to believe that it might be true.

And so despite my perceived nurturing weakness, from that moment on I became a dedicated mother - to no one. Our first child, in fact, didn't come to us for another four years. But I knew then that whenever they came, I would be their mother. And any career choices or ambitions I had at that moment would have to wait.

I realize that not everyone comes to that same conclusion. I realize that not everyone can. And I know that those mothers who choose paths different from mine are good mothers too.

But just because I know that I am doing what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life, doesn’t mean it has been easy. My nurturing instincts did not just “kick in” because I brought babies home. I confess that most of my mothering career has been spent doing what has come naturally to me, being busy and doing tasks such as: cleaning, shopping, cooking, sewing, scrapbooking, carpooling, etc. All good things to be sure. But, over the years I have come to realize that children need more than that.

They need warmth.

They need love.

They need me.

And God has helped me become more like the mother he intends for me to be. Every effort I have made, he has met me half-way. I have realized that good mothering, like everything else, has required a lot of practice and effort. The more I practice, the better I get. The more I slow down and enjoy the moments, the more moments there are to enjoy. The more I work at being empathetic towards my children, the more empathy I feel. The more I focus on my children, the more I enjoy being their mother.

And do you know what I discovered?

I never knew I could feel that way. I never knew I could be that kind of mother. It still takes work, and a near constant alignment of my priorities everyday. Even now, I still have to consciously let go of all the things that come naturally to me, and focus on nurturing my children. But I am getting better. And you know what else? It’s important.

Question: Does nurturing come easily to you?

Challenge: Find one way that you can better nurture your children today!

Power of Moms

Winners of 5 Dinners in One Hour Giveaway!

2011-07-08T22:37:00.001-06:00

Congratulations to Diana Kimball and Mikell Shultz for winning one month menus from 5 Dinners in 1 Hour! Hope you love it as much as I have!

Five Dinners in One Hour (Really) and a Giveaway!

2011-07-01T15:05:00.003-06:00

Do you ever get tired of trying to come up with something to cook for dinner every night? Or am I the only one? Actually, if truth be told (and that is what we are into here at Musings of a Mother), what I get really tired of is NOT cooking dinner, or not knowing what is for dinner, or staring at the refrigerator at 5 or 6 o'clock and thinking we have nothing to eat for dinner and we are going to have cold cereal again!

I have tried every system I can find, from The Food Nanny, to Simplify Supper, to cooking a months worth of food in one day - never again - to simply doubling everything I make, to actually, well, having cold cereal just about every night for dinner.

Well, Michelle, over at Make 5 Dinners in One Hour has literally saved me. She puts together a shopping list, menu, assembly and cooking instructions in one handy little packet, all good for one weeks worth of dinners. If you go over to her site, you can click on a link and Michelle will send you one week free so you can try her system. I tried it last week and let me tell you, it works! Her meals are very good, her recipes are easy, and it really does take just one hour to put it all together. My kids even enjoy helping me put together the meals. I can't tell you how nice it was to have 5 meals lined up in the refrigerator (or freezer) ready to go.

Michelle charges $15.00 for a three months subscription (that is only $1.25 per menu). But she has given me two one month meal plans to give away! For a chance to win, leave a comment below (come on, I am dying to see some comments from my dedicated readers!). That's it! I will choose a winner by Friday, July 8th of this week. Good luck and thanks Michelle!

How Are You Feeling Today?

2011-06-30T08:11:00.002-06:00

Sometimes my children have a hard time telling me how they are feeling. So I found this great chart online and printed it off and put it on my refrigerator. Now if I can tell they are having a hard day, but they can't quite put into words what is going on for them, I just show them the chart and ask them to point to the picture and label that best describes how they feel. Well, I guess my 8 year old son Tyler didn't feel like there were enough pictures on the chart to adequately describe how he was feeling because when I looked on the refrigerator today I found that he had added one. Plane (his version of the word plain). As in, "I just feel plane."

...oops!

2011-06-21T22:38:00.000-06:00

My daughter Sarah (who is 5) walked in on her Dad tonight just before he was about to get in the bath tub. There he was, standing in his full glory, as she opened the door wide and said "Good night Dad! I love you! You are the best dad ever!" She then closed the door and went her way. She was completely unfazed. My husband, on the other hand was stuck dumb. It all happened so fast, and he didn't know what to do, so he did nothing. Just stood there. And mumbled weakly "uh... thanks Sarah."

You've got to love those moments. My husband told me that earlier she has asked him if Santa Claus believed in Jesus. "Of Course!" He replied. "Why wouldn't he?" Indeed.

Sunday Guest Post from The Literate Mother

2011-06-20T00:43:00.000-06:00

Jennifer Hafen Stevenson is the mother of 4 young readers. She enjoys life in the beautiful Rocky Mountains with her husband and family where they love to ski, hike and roast marshmallows over a campfire. Books are one of her favorite pastimes, especially reading aloud with the family. Jennifer is the co-founder of www.theliteratemother.org.

I was so happy to find Jennifer's website! I have a voracious reader in my house that I have been unable to keep up with, and I have wondered about the content of some of the books he has brought home. Her website has helped so much with that. Here is her post:

Last month I was browsing for my next book to read and settled on Amazon’s Young Adult Editors’ Pick of the Month for May titled The Lucky Kind by Alyssa Sheinmel. I read an interview with the author on Amazon and also the reviews that were posted at the time. There was never any indication, either by the author or the reviewers, of the prolific language (swearing, profanity and over 20 F-words) or explicit sexual material (a very intimate sexual relationship between two 16-year-olds) contained in this Young Adult book. Although this was not an isolated incident for me, I continue to be surprised at the adult and explicit content marketed to our young readers.

As parents we are responsible for much of what our children experience in their young lives. We are often very vigilant about the movies our children watch and the video games they play, but when we go to the library or order a book from the book order, we are far less attentive to the content that will be presented to our children.

In the defense of parents, it is much more difficult to ascertain the content of a book. Movies and video games have ratings, even music CDs bear warning labels for explicit lyrics, but dust jackets and synopses rarely alert parents to any questionable content. Many parents try to pre-read their children’s books, but keeping a step ahead of young readers is often impossible for parents with limited reading time. Even scouring book review sites may not render useful content information because each reviewer has a different level of comfort with adult or offensive material aimed at young readers.

Over three years ago, a friend and I found ourselves in this exact situation. Unable to keep ahead of our young readers at home and frustrated we could not find the content information we were looking for online, we decided to start The Literate Mother.

The Literate Mother provides reliable content ratings for youth and young adult literature, focusing on books 4^th – 12^th grade. We feel it is important for parents, teachers, librarians and concerned adults to be informed about the subject matter children encounter in books. Every book posted on our site is personally read and objectively rated in four categories: language, violence, sexual content and adult themes. Each of these categories is given a rating between zero (no objectionable content) and five (an excessive or disturbing level of content). We then explain, with examples from the book, the reasons behind the rating, and add our personal opinion of the book. This information helps parents and concerned adults suggest or discourage certain books, discuss sensitive material or simply strike up a conversation with a child about the book he or she is reading.

At The Literate Mother, it is our belief that there is so much age-appropriate, quality youth and young adult literature available, that our children need not waste their time on inappropriate or shoddy writing. We love books and agree with Mr. Thomas Jefferson that we cannot live without them. We would never want to discourage anyone from reading; on the contrary, it is our hope that with the information available on our website, parents will become more involved in the selection and discussion of literature in their homes. Whether you have a sensitive child you want to steer away from certain topics, a voracious reader you would like to guide toward more appropriate books, or just want to be informed on the subject matter to which your young reader is exposed, we hope you will find help at TheLiterateMother.org.

Sam

2011-06-16T10:51:00.000-06:00

This is my nephew Sam. He has Down Syndrome. Back in July of 2008, I attended a baby shower for my sister Tausha. Her baby boy was due the end of August, her first since placing a baby girl for adoption a few years earlier. There were so many in attendance and the excitement in the air was palpable.

A few days later I received a phone call from my dad telling me that my sister had had her baby the night before, and that he was Downs. I was in shock the rest of the day. I didn't know what to think. My sister and her husband were devastated - for about an hour. Sometime after the birth of Sam, my dad came into my sister's room and told her that she had just given birth to a perfect baby. He told her that Sam had already made it to the highest kingdom in heaven, just by being born. His calling and election was already sure. From that moment on, my sister and her husband Doug embraced their son and his condition and left the hospital full of peace and hope and enthusiasm for the future.

Shortly after coming home from the hospital, my sister immediately joined the Weber/Davis County chapter of the Utah Down Syndrome Foundation, and has been actively raising funds and doing events for them ever since. Why am I telling you all this? Because their first annual Statewide Utah Down Syndrome Foundation Buddy Walk is coming up and my sister is raising funds for the event. Here is a link to Sam's page where you can donate if you would like, and here is a note from Sam in his "own words."

HELLO!!

It's that time of year again where we are fundraising for me and my friends! I will be 3 years old in July and will be starting pre-school this coming fall. I have accomplished so many things this year. I am walking, running (my family can't keep up with me) and signing over 90 signs in order to communicate with everyone. I love life and love my friends and we are hoping to raise lots of money this year for fun activities and to advocate on our behalf. Last year we were able to provide 2 Weber State scholarships for $500 each that will help students who are going to be special education teachers for me and my friends. We hope to increase that over the years.

I hope that you will be able to donate and participate in our 1st annual State Wide Buddy Walk in SLC and walk for TEAMSAM!!!

Thank you for visiting my fundraising page!

Donating through this website is simple, fast and totally secure. It is also the most efficient way to support my fundraising efforts.

Many thanks for your support -- and don't forget to forward this to anyone who you think might want to donate too!

Love, Sam Dingman

Top Ten Things I Learned on Our Trip to Nauvoo

2011-06-15T17:19:00.001-06:00

Well, we finally have arrived home from our trip to Nauvoo. The laundry is piled high, the dishes are piled up in the sink, the mail is unread, bags unpacked and I have a million things on my to do list. But before I do any of that really boring stuff, I wanted to write my list of Top Ten Things I Learned on Our Trip To Nauvoo.

Of course I planned to blog the whole trip, but quickly found out just how limited the internet can be when you are driving through Nowheresville, Nebraska. Now I don't mean to be sarcastic. The countryside was so beautiful for the most part and so many of the small towns we saw along the way were really very cute (although they might not appreciate the term!).

I probably will write more about Nauvoo. I certainly did miss writing; but for now, at least until I can get on top of my laundry, this top ten list will have to do.

Top Ten Things I Learned on Our Trip To Nauvoo

1- Nauvoo is a long ways away.
2- The distance between Salt Lake City and Nauvoo and back is about 10 movies.
3- If you add 50 percent humidity to 95 degrees you get 200 degrees (or at least it felt like it).
4- There are more bugs per square mile in Illinois or Missouri than are in the entire state of Utah.
5- And to me, after a while, every bug looks like a mosquito.
6- Lightning Bugs (Fireflies) continue to glow for at least an hour after they have hit your windshield.
7- Two weeks in an RV with Five kids feels like two years.
8- I'm a wimp. I love air conditioning and the creature comforts, and I wouldn't have made it as a pioneer!
9- If a zoo advertises itself as being the worlds largest zoo, that is your first clue that you should Stay Away!
10- And last, but not least, if you haven't been to Nauvoo, it's a wonderful place to go.

My Job Description

2011-05-23T22:51:00.004-06:00

The other night, my husband and I were reading The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, a former president of the LDS Church, when my husband read me something that blew my mind. President Kimball said concerning families, and I quote: "The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains." You mean I actually have a job description? No one told me! Now, I am not going to discuss the difference between procreating and conceiving, although it does raise some interesting thoughts. But I turned to my husband and said, in all sincerity, "I want your job!"

Seriously, I think I would rather provide, love and direct, than nurture, feed and train. It just sounds well, more director like. And in regards to nurturing, I am not, by nature, a nurturer. Or maybe I am, but my "instincts" have gotten lost or messed up somewhere along the way. It just doesn't come naturally to me.

But directing does. One of my earliest memories is of a Saturday where my mother and father took me to a park to feed the ducks. But I wasn't content with just feeding the ducks, no. Every time I threw a piece of bread on the ground I said to the ducks "Eat it!" I was a director in training. And I am still telling my "ducks" to "Eat it!"

I have told my husband on many occasions that I think I should go out and earn a living and he should stay home and raise the kids. He is just better at it than I am. He knows how to play.

I am ashamed to admit this now, but when I was in law school, I remember distinctly being upset about Pres. Benson's talk that women needed to be in the home. What? What about my hopes and dreams and ambitions? Why did I have to be in the home just because I happened to be a woman? It just wasn't fair!

Well, my attitude took a 180 degree turn, when, shortly after I graduated, I found myself watching general conference (as was my habit). I cannot remember who it was that spoke, or even exactly what he said, but he said something to the effect that women are meant to be the primary caregivers because they have special abilities, given to them by God, that are unique to their sex, that enable them to nurture and care for their children.

Well, that hit me between the eyes. And it was all I needed to hear. I know I should have had enough faith in a prophet of God to just be obedient, even without knowing why; but for whatever reason, I needed a reason and God gave me one. From that moment on, I became a dedicated stay-at-home mom to no one. Our children, in fact, didn't come to us for another six years. But I knew then that whenever they came, I would be at home.

I have looked at my job of motherhood differently since I have read that quote. The dictionary defines nurturing as "The process of caring for the growth and development of someone or something." It also refers to the upbringing, education and environment, as opposed to inborn characteristics as a determinant of personality. As a verb, the word means to "Cherish." I love that!

To train is to "teach a particular skill or type of behavior through practice and instruction over a period of time," or "to cause a mental or physical faculty to be sharp, discerning, or developed as a result of instruction or practice." Well, gosh! I can do that. It all sounds kind of like directing don't you think? Using those definitions as a guide, I think I can be a better mother, a more deliberate mother. How much time do we actually spend training our children, as opposed to going through our days simply reacting to our environment?

Well, although I think I have the "feeding" part down, I am going to do a better job training my children (to be honest, I'm not very good at conceiving either, I have only done it once). And I will continue to nurture in my own pathetic way, praying every day that I will get better at it! And I am going to share the news with the mom's I know, that we have a job description!

You Know You are a Mother When...

2011-05-18T21:49:00.000-06:00

One day several years ago, I was shopping in Harmons with my three year old son Dallin who, at the time, insisted on wearing costumes every single day, all day long. On this particular day he happened to be wearing a Batman costume. I thought he looked pretty darn cute, and was happy to take him along to the store with me. However, at one point in our shopping experience, I turned around to find that he was not standing by me. I looked up and down the aisle, but no Dallin. I began to slightly panic and started retracing my steps, trying to find any sight of him.

The biggest problem was I didn't have any idea how long he had been gone because I had been staring at the shelves of food for quite some time. Well, I didn't have to look any further because suddenly over the loud speaker I heard "Will Batman's Mother please come to the customer service desk?" Well, of course I knew that I was "Batman's Mother." So, filled with shame, I walked to the front of the store to find my son in the arms of a customer service gal. She, as well as five or six other workers all had huge smiles on their faces. They couldn't wait to see who Batman's Mother might be. Apparently Dallin was too shy to tell them his name, so they did the only thing they could do and that was describe him.

Illinois, Here we Come!

2011-05-17T22:59:00.001-06:00

Well, we did it. Today we committed ourselves to beau- coup amount of money, and two weeks in an RV with five kids. We are going to Nauvoo.

In June. And did I mention we are taking the kids out of school? I know. We're nuts! I am not sure what or why or how, I just that I felt one Sunday that we needed to go to Nauvoo... now. My husband agreed.

I am not sure what I am worried the most about, the money we are spending on an RV, gas prices, insurance, finding campgrounds, my five kids, what to do when we get there, the route we should take to get there, the very large windows in front that makes it look like you could fall out onto the pavement at any moment, the fact that my husband and I have never even driven an RV before and now we are going to take one across the country, or what!

Add to that all the stuff you have to do to get ready for a trip like shop, go to the library, cancel appointments, find substitutes, get prescriptions, pack, prepare food, etc. Whew! I'm am tired already.

So, on top of everything, in the next two weeks, we are going to try to cram a year's worth of church history down our children's throats! But ready or not, Nauvoo here we come!

Post Mother's Day Giveaway Extended!

2011-05-13T15:46:00.001-06:00

Okay, since Blogger has been down for two days, I am extending the Mother's Day Giveaway of Binky Spritz. When Blogger went down, it took some comments with it. So if you have already commented, you will need to do it again!

So if you would like to enter, leave a comment on this or my last post. If you want a second chance to win, share the post on facebook (by clicking on the facebook link below the post) and then come back and let me know you have done that. I will pick a winner by Saturday night.

Post Mother's Day Giveaway!

2011-05-10T20:22:00.000-06:00

Okay, it is confession time! How many of you mom's out there still wash your child's pacifier every time it falls on the ground or put it in your own mouth to "clean" it?   Or how often do you find yourself away from home with no water available for rinsing? Well, my new friend Drue Didier is here to rescue you! She has developed a great new product called Binky Spritz. It is an alcohol free, non-toxic, kid-safe cleaning spray. It is safe to swallow, has all natural ingredients and no added sugar. You can use it on pacifiers, bottles, utensils, highchairs, sippy cups, table tops and much more.  You can even spray it on your children's hands to kill germs instead of using alcohol based cleaners. The bottle is small enough to go on airplanes, or fit in your purse or diaper bag.

Drue recently gave me a bottle and I sprayed it on each of my children's hands so they could "try" it.  They loved it! It actually tastes good!  Drue uses lemon juice and orange oil, instead of alcohol to create an acidic environment where bacteria can't thrive. Ingenious.  And best of all, Drue is donating 10% of her profits to charities that support children. Check out her website here to learn more, and see a video of Drue and her product on KSL Studio 5.

You can find Binky Spritz at high end baby specialty shops, or you win a bottle here by leaving a comment below!  I will choose a winner on Thursday. Good luck!

Mother's Day is Like Asparagus

2011-05-05T13:14:00.000-06:00

I have decided that Mother's Day is like asparagus. You either love it or you hate it! There really is no in between. It's either delicious, satisfying and good for you, or slimy with a bad aftertaste. I am afraid I am in the latter category - about asparagus I mean. As for Mother's Day, it really depends on the year. Sometimes it depends on the kind of week I am having with my kids, and whether or not I am feeling like a "good" mother. (By the way, I asked my husband if I needed to capitalize "asparagus" and he said that I didn't need to capitalize vegetables, unless they were also the capital of a city or country as well. Funny huh.)

But seriously, I know that Mother's Day is hard for a lot of women. Sometimes I think it puts alot of pressure on us to be ideal mothers. We want to be like the women we see on the covers of books, or in the flower ads or on blog posts. We want to be worthy of the chocolates, or the poems, hand prints, or love notes our children bring home to us! There seems to be a disconnect, between all of the beautiful things we see in the stores and how we feel about ourselves as mothers. And while I think it is good for us to strive for the ideal, it's not good for us to beat ourselves up for not reaching the ideal - at least not by today.

I have a good friend who has been asked to speak in church on Mother's Day. She is dreading it! She has a couple of challenging kids who have chosen not to do everything "by the book." So she feels like she doesn't measure up in the mothering world, especially when compared to other mothers' whose children seem to do everything right. I know how she feels. I know how easy it is to look around and compare yourself to other mothers and feel like you aren't measuring up. But I have seen glimpses of my friend's mothering and I think she is terrific!

She said her Bishop asked her to speak on "Women, God's greatest creation." Wow. Now that's a heavy topic. I told her that maybe God's greatest creation is a woman who is imperfect but is doing her best in spite of it all and who is raising her children to the best of her ability. I mean God knew that we would stink some days right? And he gave us our children anyway right? I think that means that on some level, he trusts us. Or at least he trusts our potential, or perhaps the process.

One final thought. My Father-in-law was here the other day and he asked me if I knew how special women were? He said that "Men were created out of the dust of the earth, but women were created out of man - not from dust!" I liked that thought. And we are special. If for no other reason than we agreed to take on the challenge. Even if we are imperfect. Even if our children don't make all the right choices. Even if our households aren't perfect.

To all of you women who are God's greatest creation, mother's who are imperfect, but who are doing the best you can in spite of it all... Happy Mother's Day!

A Beautiful Post

2011-05-02T16:39:00.000-06:00

I read this beautiful post today from a mother who lost twin boys, Jake and James, when she was 19 weeks pregnant. Instead of sitting and grieving, she has thrown herself into organizing events and raising funds for the March of Dimes, March for Babies in honor of her boys. She says she does it because it makes her feel like she is still their mother. Her name is Beth Fletcher and she writes a blog called I Should Be Folding Laundry. If you have a minute, you won't regret reading her post, and in honor of Mother's Day, perhaps even making a donation!

Mother's Day Charity Event

2011-04-29T23:01:00.000-06:00

I am giving myself a gift for Mother's Day. I am going to the Mother's Day Charity Brunch benefitting One Heart Bulgaria, an organization founded by my friend Deborah Gardner, dedicated to improving the lives of thousands of orphans in Bulgaria. You can scroll down below to see a video of the children. See if it doesn't melt your heart.

The speakers will be:
Garett J. White who will speak on “A deliberate and fulfilling life,”
Deborah Dushku Gardner, Mother of 5 and Co-Founder and President of One Heart Bulgaria – “Motherhood: A glorious (and messy and crazy) mission that reaches beyond home”
Venko Cook: Former orphan in Bulgarian – “A Mother saved me.”

I am going and I am bringing a box of tissues. I would love to invite any of you to join me!

The event will be held in Lindon and you can purchase tickets by clicking on this link.

Individuality and Motherhood

2011-04-26T23:45:00.000-06:00

I noticed on the Power of Mom's website (one of my favorite websites) that their focus for this month is Individuality. I have started to think about that in terms of my motherhood. What is it about me that makes me a unique mother to my children and vice-versa? Why were the children that I have sent to me? Do I have strengths that my children can uniquely benefit from? Or is it my weaknesses that will ultimately cause them to learn and grow and become their best selves?

My son Tyler (8), hugged me the other night and said "Mom, you are the best mom I know!" He then thought for a minute and said, "Actually, you are pretty much the only one I know... but I bet you are the best." That pretty much sums it up. I AM the only one he knows. And I am really glad because I know that there are a heckuvalot better moms out there and I hope that he never discovers that fact! Because I am pretty much sure that almost every day I am ruining my children!

There are things about my personality that don't mesh very well with my kids. I am very type A, OCD-ish, kind of a high stress sort of mom. I like things to be neat, orderly, and quiet. I like a well-controlled environment.  Well God must think he is pretty funny because he sent me not one, but five very high energy, loud, messy, Adhd like kids!  My house is pretty much chaos from sun-up to sun-down. I don't like chaos. I spend most of my time and energy trying to contain it, box it up, and put it in it's place. In the process, I am pretty sure I am ruining my children.
Or are they ruining me? I thought I was a really nice person before I had children. I never knew that I could be a sweet, loving, good person one minute, and a stark raving mad lunatic the next! Linda Eyre wrote a book once called "I Never Meant to be a Witch." I think I am going to buy it.

The other day I asked my daughter Sarah (5), what she wanted to be when she grew up. She weighs in at 54 pounds and stands at least 47 inches tall, so I half expected her to say she wanted to be a fullback when she grew up, or maybe a starting center for the WMBA. But actually, she said she wanted to be a mom! I said "Really? That's so awesome!" She then replied, "Yah, then I can say, bad, bad, go to thinktime!" Ouch. That hurt. It is really hard to see yourself mirrrored in the eyes of your children.

I envy those mothers who just seem to roll with it. They just drink it all up and take it in and love every minute of it - chaos and all. Nothing seems to fluster them. I wish I could be more like them. But I'm not!

A good friend of mine, who happens to be a therapist (now there is a helpful profession for motherhood, why on earth I ever went out and got a worthless law degree is beyond me!), told me recently that we tend to think that parents shape kids, when in actuality it probably much more likely that kids shape parents. Now there is a thought! But perhaps it is a little of both. Perhaps it is a combination of both my individual strengths and weaknesses as a mother, and the strengths and weaknesses that my children bring to the table that make the whole giant experiment turn out in the end... with the good things helping us through life and the Not So Good forcing us to struggle and grow and ultimately find ourselves and the strength of our character. My friend the therapist also told me that God gives to us the relationships we need to help us discover just how beautiful we really are.  Now that is something to think about.

I found a quote today that I am going to put on my mirror (if I can find room). It says: "Everything is going to be okay in the end. If it is not okay, it is not the end."  Through all the struggle, and the wondering and the hoping, and the loving and the mistake making, I have to believe this is true.

Coincidence

2011-04-25T22:25:00.000-06:00

Maybe I need to write my posts in pen or pencil first. I just seem to write better when the ideas are flowing from my head to my hand and writing instrament instead of from my head to the computer keyboard. I remember one summer I worked for a lawfirm where they insisted that I DICTATE my arguments onto a handheld machine! They woudn't even let me type! Try crafting a well read sentence, let alone a complete argument that way! I just didn't have the brainpower to manage it.

Anyway, I have to write about something that happened today. I took my children down to the Discovery Museum and the Apple store (for the sake of my teenager). We were in the Apple store playing with all of their fun electronic devices, when all of a sudden someone gave me a hug. I looked up to find my dad standing in front of me! Well, my dad lives in Ogden! So the odds of my running into my dad in the Apple store at the Gateway at the same time as my dad on a Monday night in April are pretty much nil. So amazing! It was like seeing an old friend. It is always good to see my dad, but seeing him when it was completely unexpected, well, it just makes it that much more fun. He was there with my mom and my brother and sister-in-law. So we had a mini-family reunion right there in the Apple store.

It reminds me of the time my husband and I were in Portugal where he served his mission. We were coming home from a busy day of sightseeing when we walked by the LDS chapel on our way to where we were staying. Well, at the EXACT moment that we walked by, Luis Martines happened to turn around and look out the door of the chapel to see his old missionary companion (my husband), from five or six years ago. Luis had just been introduced as the guest speaker for a baptism that was occuring at that very moment. He literally called a "time out!" complete with hand gestures and everything and ran for the door to catch us. My husband had no idea Luis was living in Portugal at the time and Luis had no idea we were there visiting! In fact, my husband had lost track of Luis altogether. After the baptism we were able to go to dinner with Luis and my husband was able to reconnect with a beloved companion.

I have decided that some things are just too coincidental to be coincidence.

Wholeheartedness

2011-04-21T20:05:00.003-06:00

I discovered on Ted.com an amazing woman who talks about amazing things. She speaks about authenticity and connection. Her name is Brene Brown and here is what she has to say about living with your whole heart:

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

I struggle to live wholeheartedly. I tend to rush, rush, rush, forgetting to live in the moment and with my whole heart. I recently attended a seminar put on by the Power of Moms crew. I learned some things there about living in the moment, and deliberately creating the kind of life I want to have. I will have to blog more about that next time. In the meantime, here is Brene's talk and it is worth your time - I promise!

My Son's Birthmom

2011-04-20T00:40:00.000-06:00

My son Tyler's birthmom died two weeks ago, from an apparent drug overdose. My husband called me while I was at a doctor's appointment to give me the news. I cried for an hour straight. Luckily noone else was in the office at the time except the office manager and she just kept supplying me with tissues. I cried every day for a week after that and have been in kind of a funk ever since. I just feel so badly. She was a beautiful, strong girl who had been given very little in this life and was obviously troubled. But I never imagined she would end up dead.

She had two abortions before she decided to have Tyler and place him for adoption. She has had two little boys since (from different fathers) and she kept them. They are now being raised by the father's mother. I can't even imagine my son in their shoes. How did he, the one son of five, end up at our house? My heart aches for them, and for Bonnie, and for my son Tyler. When do you tell your son that his birthmom died? He is only 7.

The strange thing is that although we have not told him yet, he has been talking about her and his adoption all of a sudden. Todd and I have been reading this book about a man who had a near death experience and he describes how our relatives who have died can come visit us on occasion for special reasons. It makes me wonder if she has been allowed to come see him and impress upon him some things. I do know that our relatives that are beyond the veil can come and help us in our time of need. I believe that Tyler, more than any of my children has suffered attachment issues. It makes me wonder if she is at least getting him to open up to us about his adoption.  Maybe not, but it does seem like a strange coincidence. I have wondered where she is, and if she is suffering or if she is at peace. If she has been here, I am grateful that she at least has been able to get him to open up and talk.

We talked tonight at length. He feels badly that Bonnie didn't keep him. He wondered what she is like. I told him that she was an amazing person, who was troubled. She couldn't keep him, but she loved him very much and has never stopped loving him. I told him his adoption story - I thought he already knew! He said that he has felt "since he was four" that he belonged in our house. He said it was like "someone or something" brought him here, "like the eagles in Narnia, who carried Prince Caspian and his friends to war." He said he has always felt like he belonged here and that he was feeling that at the very moment we were talking. He feels that way even though he misses her.

I need to learn more about adoption and attachment and the bonding process. I think there is more to the bond a baby has with the mother who gave him life than we realize.  Although it saddens me, I am grateful that Tyler is mine and that Bonnie had the courage and determination to give him up.  Although I have been terribly conflicted about birthmoms and their place in my life, I love her and look forward to seeing her on the other side. I hope she will be pleased with how I have raised her son.

Attachment in Adoption

2011-04-02T16:50:00.003-06:00

There is a new book out for anyone out there who might be dealing with attachment issues with their adopted children. I am including an article I was sent detailing the new book on the subject:

By Allison Martin

Deborah Gray, Ph.D., is the author of the book Attaching in Adoption, a comprehensive and knowledgeable overview of the causes, diagnosis and treatment of attachment issues of adopted children. Gray is an experienced family therapist and clinical social worker who specializes in grief, trauma and attachment. Her unique blend of empathy and practical advice makes this an excellent resource for anyone who has questions about bonding and attachment.

What inspired you to write "Attaching in Adoption"?

Deborah Gray: I was finding that helpful information got to many parents piecemeal, too late, or only in a theoretical format. Many activities that assist everyone's adjustment in the family could be done without a therapist, if only the information was available. Often parents remarked at conferences or in my practice, "if only I had known that in the first year after she joined our family!" The book was a way to make practical and theoretical information available to parents in a timely fashion.

Another motive for writing the book was my realization that helpful information for parents is not in one place. Parents have to be gleaners of professional and parenting sources to find what they need, particularly if they have more complex needs in their families. The book was a way to organize relevant information into a parenting source book It also gives parents directions to proceed in getting additional help. It also gives advice for a very normal situation-adopting or fostering a child who is entering a family at a later age.

Lastly, as far as inspiration, there is a spiritual side to my writing the book. It was one of the few things that I have ever felt spiritually called to do in my life. I felt that God wanted me to write this book. So, I did.

What did you wish to accomplish with your book?

Deborah Gray:I wanted a way to communicate directly with parents. The information in the book is actually quite sophisticated in its referencing of the research on attachment, grief, trauma, and emotional intelligence. I thought that parents could benefit most from this information if it were written for them in a practical, but not "dumbed down" format. Some professionals have pulled together and mastered the relevant literature, but have little time to really pass it along to the families with which they work. Other caseworkers are new enough to the field that they have not yet had time to master the literature. They have little to offer their families. I preferred to have the same caliber of information available to parents as is available to professionals.

What are the signs of attachment problems?

Deborah Gray: The signs of attachment problems are different at different ages, Calling them problems depends on how long the child has been in the home. When a child is in a home for enough time to get to know the parents intimately, and if she also is at an age that children are expected to show exclusive attachments, then we start to assess factors like: Is the child going to his parent for help? Is the child trying to get physical closeness? Is the child calming down with her parent when she is upset or frightened? Is the child saving special experiences for his parent, or showing some exclusivity in their relationship? Is the child having fun with her parent? Is there empathy in the child's relationships with his family members? Does the child need to be in control all of the time, or can she "give in," trusting the judgment of a parent?

Of course, all of these answers vary in degrees from day-to-day, since we all have our ups and downs. However, with children with attachment problems, the answers to the above questions tend to be toward the "no" end of the continuum.

Attachments are lifelong close relationships. When children are growing in attachment, they show an investment in parents and back-and-forth in their relationships. Yet, they do not have a role reversal by playing a parental role in the family.

What advice do you have for parents adopting older children?

Deborah Gray: I think that it is helpful to find out as much history as possible about their child. It helps to know where trauma might be impacting a child. Or, it helps to find out who their child might be grieving. However, I am aware that often people do not know a child well who has been in foster care a short time or who has been in an institution.

I like to set up a highly nurturing environment that is also highly structured when children enter a home. It is reassuring to them to know just what is happening next. I like to keep the accent on the positive. Keep expectations simple and make goals easily attainable. Look at the beginning time in the home as special time for the parent(s) to get to know their child. Expect that a newly placed child is on "empty" in love and resilience, and that it will take a long time to fill them up. Initially, parents do best to find their reinforcement in knowing that they are doing a good job loving their child, and not in whether their child is appreciating their love.

Have especially good food and relaxed schedules when children are new in the home. Make the family a pleasant place to be. Take time off work to be with the child. Spend time finding things to do that are mutually enjoyable. Make yourself a person of comfort to your child. When you ask for eye contact, make sure that it is almost always to give a smile and hug.

In your book you are relatively optimistic that attachment can increase, even in what seem like fairly severe cases. Could you talk about this a bit?

Deborah Gray: Some of my optimism comes from research. Even after severe neglect in Romanian orphanages, the majority of children were attempting to attach and succeeded in forming secure attachments after two years in their families. Humans are made to desire close relationships.

Attachment skills are learned. Sometimes children need to learn and then to practice the relationship skills for a safe family, instead of the skills used for a more hostile environment. They also benefit from therapy in helping them to work through fears and trauma. In my practice, which specializes in more severe problems, the vast majority of children do improve in attachment, emotional modulation, and trauma symptoms.. Parents use a home program, which varies according to their child. However, it usually includes a highly nurturing approach with special help and structure around problem issues related to emotionally charged issues. Because children return to see me on recall at critical developmental ages, I get to see them progress over time. It is a source of pride for them and their families. It is exciting to see a 16-year old with a close relationship with both parents and his first job, when at age 6 he used to ask his mother to leave the family. "You know, Deborah." He said. "All of that work paid off!"

Attachments are relationships. When we work on relationships, especially at a young age, all but the most hurt children seem to benefit greatly from the work.

Many children are not attaching because they are numbed and/or emotionally out-of-control due to traumatic stress. I think that the combination of attachment-oriented therapy with a trauma component in the treatment greatly benefits children. It improves the chances for success for children who cannot be reached by attachment-oriented parenting alone. The trauma field has been prolific in describing techniques to help children, and research that supports the efficacy of such efforts.

Favorite Easy Recipe

2011-03-31T22:14:00.000-06:00

This is one of our family's favorite easy recipes! I know it involves processed food (a little), but it is so easy and really good! Hope you enjoy.

Baked Ziti

1 box Ziti (or Penne is a close second)
1 large jar Prego spaghetti sauce
Mozzerella Cheese (you can use shredded, but my favorite is sliced good mozzerella)

Just cook the pasta and then layer the ingredients and bake at 325 degrees until hot and bubbly. That's it!

Mommy is a Person

2011-03-31T14:29:00.000-06:00

O.K., maybe instead of blogging myself, I can just start redirecting everyone to the Power of Moms website! Here is another great article by April Perry I ran across that I needed today. I am reprinting it in full for those of you who don't like to click on a link!

Mommy Is A Person

It seems silly that I have to think of this occasionally, but, yes, in addition to all the hats we wear at this party called parenthood, Mommy is a person. Some moms are great at being people; they know how to balance their own needs with the needs of their families, they are happy and fulfilled, and they are respected by themselves and their loved ones. Over the past nine years, I have learned so much from the examples of mommy-people around me, and this article is what I wish I had read at the very start.

Mothers have an amazing capacity to love and care for their families. We do not expect our lives to be unchanged once we get to have children; their laughter, smiles, darling antics, and the love that radiates from them (even as infants) are worth whatever it takes. The challenge comes when we start to feel like martyrs and forget that behind the snuggles, carpools, discipline, and endless procession of meals, we are still women.

The first time I remember wondering where “April” had gone was during lunch one afternoon when I sat down with my three young children to eat a sandwich. Before I had even gotten past the crust, someone wanted a refill of milk, another needed a side of cheese, and a third wanted the sandwich opened, not folded. You’ve been there, right? I didn’t like the frustration I felt, so the next time we all sat down to eat, I did things a little differently. After serving everyone their food (and a napkin and drink and utensils), I asked, “Does everyone have everything they need? I’d like you to tell me right now because I am going to sit down and eat my food. I’m not getting up again until I’m done because Mommy is a person. Let’s say that all together. Mommy…is…a person. That’s right. I get to eat, too. Everyone is all set? Great!”

It took a few days of training before my children stopped asking for things mid-meal, but it actually worked! Sometimes I have to stifle a giggle at the dinner table because I’m deliriously excited to actually eat a whole plate of food in one sitting. Now my son will say, “Mom, can I have another roll with jelly…when you’re done eating?” I want to kiss him on his head and say, “Bless you, child!”

What surprised me was how quickly everyone agreed to my person-hood. My children want me to be happy—they’re really not trying to be overly-demanding. It’s just that they are children. I need to let them know what I need. This epiphany has helped me in many areas of my life, so I have included a few ideas below that will hopefully be helpful to other moms out there.

Deep down, we need to think of ourselves as people

I once read a book called The Sacrificial Mother, which describes many mothers who sacrifice pretty much all of themselves for the sake of their children. For example, they dress their children in designer clothes and provide them with lessons of all kinds, yet they dress themselves in old sweats and never take time to do things they enjoy. Over time, this habit leads to depression and frustration, and often the sacrificial mothers simply want a way out.

We know that if we really want to have the stamina, enthusiasm, and patience to raise great children, we need to take care of ourselves first. The common airplane/oxygen mask analogy applies here: you put the mask on yourself so you can then care for your little ones. Underneath the title of “Mommy” is a real live lady with her own name who is just as important as everyone else.

There are certainly times when sacrifice is necessary and noble. We give up sleep for the sake of our newborns or sick children, we let the house get messier than we’d like it so our children can play and enjoy the excitement of childhood, we give our children the last grape popsicles (even though that’s our favorite flavor) because their eyes light up when they see the color purple. Each of us has benefited from the sacrifice of a mother, and we are dedicated to sacrificing for our own children, but throughout all this, we need to believe that we are of value as women…as people.

All people get to do certain things

There is definitely a balance between realizing this time is not just about us and recognizing that an empty well can not give water. To further explore this topic, I have made a list of some basic things that people get to do.

(1) People get to use the restroom. As a little girl, I would lay on the carpet in the hallway and watch my mother’s feet through the gap under the bathroom door. I would beg her to please come out soon. Did I have nothing else to do? I’m paying for it now—everyone wants to sit right next to me and talk, read books, or climb on my lap. It does get a little tricky, but as my children get older, I am starting to want a little more privacy—and that’s okay!

(2) People get to take a shower and get ready for the day. My days of 45-minute showers are a distant memory, but as long as I move relatively quickly, the lunch-packing, permission-slip-signing, and squabble-solving can wait a few more minutes. While awaiting the birth of my first daughter, I told my husband, “I’m not going to be that kind of mom that is still in her pajamas at 9 am. I’m going to get dressed and ready every day.” I ate my words not more than a week after my daughter was born, and we took a photo to celebrate the day I became “that kind of mom.” The time and frequency of the “getting ready” is negotiable, but when we have the desire and ability to do so, we don’t need to feel guilty about it.

(3) People get to exercise. This definitely can take some planning and creativity, but exercise relieves stress and has so many other benefits—isn’t it funny that when the day gets hectic, that is often the first thing to go? I haven’t always been the best at this, but generally, we’ve been able to make this work. Gym memberships and jogging strollers are great to have, but exercise can happen at home, too. I used to do a pilates video a few times a week, and my children liked to throw their big bouncy balls at my feet while I did the “kick-kick front, kick-kick back.” It kept them entertained, and I got a little workout. Exercise is not always easy, but it’s worth the effort!

(4) People get to read. We are constantly encouraged by society to read to our children, make plenty of books available to them, and sign up for the library’s Summer Reading Program, but outside of my book club or casual conversations with my girlfriends, no one seems to care if I pick up a book or not. Reading is one of the best ways for us to keep our minds sharp, enriched, and excited about life. It is okay to sit down sometimes and read while our children play or read near us. We can slip a book into our diaper bags or carry a great volume with us in case we have to wait somewhere. At the library, I used to avoid the adult section at all costs because my children would get bored and noisy. Now, I ask, “Do you want to get your books first, or do you want me to get my books first?” I look up the titles and call numbers on the Internet before I go, so I don’t have to peruse the aisles while saying, “SHHHHH!” over and over again, but now we all come home with great books, and I’m a happy camper…er, reader.

(5) People get to think. Julia Roberts once told Oprah that when she became a mommy, her brains fell out. Oprah wasn’t sure what to make of that, but all the moms in the audience were nodding with understanding. It takes everything I’ve got to keep my brain synapses firing when I am in the midst of “mommying.” When I had three children under four years old, the noise was sometimes too much. My oldest child was very verbal, and I would sometimes have to say, “Alia, Mommy needs 15 minutes of quiet so she can think.” One time Alia responded very seriously, “If I stop talking, my body will die.” Somehow I convinced her otherwise, and she went along with my request, but think-time is like gold, and it’s all right to ask for it.

6) People get to have conversations with other people. We can’t spend all our family time talking on the phone with our friends or chatting online—our children need us. However, if we would like to have a reasonably-lengthed conversation with another adult, that is an acceptable request. If my children need me while I’m talking to someone else, they come hold my hand until there’s a break in the conversation (Okay, actually, they interrupt all the time, and I have to keep asking them to please hold my hand if they need something. Occasionally they remember, but not very often).

(7) People get to snuggle with their spouses. I like to sit by my husband, and if we want to smooch in the kitchen while the kids are yelling “Gross!” that’s okay.

(8) People get to take a break. In the general work-force, each employee gets a lunch break and a couple of short breaks during the day…enforced by the law. When I am home with my children, no one is knocking on my door saying, “Excuse me, but did Mrs. Perry get her nap in today? We’re here to make sure she has a twenty-minute break for every four hours she works.” That would be great, but we are the ones responsible for planning our own breaks. We can sit down and put our feet up every once in awhile, take a night away when we’re in need of some rejuvenation…whatever we can creatively come up with. It is an investment in our families!

(9) People get to dream. Just because we’re caught up in the pressing needs of our children doesn’t mean that we can’t think about our own goals and dreams. I know one mom who’s working on her “six-pack”, one who is training to be a photographer, another who wants to travel with her children all over the world…there is no right or wrong way to dream, but let’s not forget that dreaming is a wonderful activity! If we want our dreams to come true someday, those dreams have to exist in the first place.

(I’m sure there are probably several more that I haven’t even listed, but you get the picture. If you would like to add an idea, you can list them in the “Comments” section below.)

Your goal is to be better than “sane”

One evening as my husband and I were trying to figure out our schedule, he said, “How can I best be of help to you this week?” I looked at my calendar and then replied, “Well, to be sane, I need…” and I proceeded to list a couple of things he could help me with so I could complete all the “have-to’s” for the week. What my husband said next was so sweet that I almost jumped into his arms. He said, “April, I don’t want you to just be ‘sane’, I want you to thrive.” That was a whole new perspective for me. After thinking about his question for three seconds, I replied, “WELL THEN…here’s what I need to thrive. I need 8 hours of sleep during each 24-hour period, four days of exercise, three hours at the library each month…alone, a date night once a week…and I went on for awhile more. Nothing was unreasonable, just formerly unmentioned. I recognize that not everyone has the support of a loving spouse. We each have our own challenges, and we need to figure out how we can thrive in the circumstances we are in. What do you need in order to thrive?

Why does all this matter?

Because YOU matter. Maybe no one has told you that today, but you are important—not just because you do a whole lot of work for everyone else, but because you are a person. There are times in our lives when we are out of balance—when we have a newborn, when our week is incredibly hectic, etc.—but as we treat ourselves as people, we will feel happy, valued, and more content with our families. We will be able to see more clearly what we have to offer the world, and we will teach our children that if they get the precious opportunity to become parents, they will still be people, too! Being a mommy is the greatest…I hope you can enjoy the process and treasure every moment because you are a person.

You Know You Are a Mother When...

2011-03-15T09:23:00.000-06:00

You know you are a mother when, you go to the doctor, the library, and Little Ceasars pizza, and then come home to find that your 4 year old has placed stickers all over your back, without you even realizing it!

Free Organization Program for Moms Giveaway ($35.00 value!)

2011-03-04T16:31:00.000-07:00

Great news! April Perry of Mind Organization for Moms has given me one Full program ($35.00 value) to give away for free! April has designed the program: to help you reduce your stress, accomplish your most important tasks, and achieve the peace of mind you need to enjoy your family! Here is the link to their program. Head on over to check it out. While you are there, sign up for the newsletter and get a free start-up version of the program!

I discovered the program, as well as April's website called The Power of Moms a couple of weeks ago. I felt like the site was an answer to my prayers! Their website is a professional organization for deliberate mothers striving to be the moms and women they really want to be. In it, they have articles to lift and inspire, tools to help you get organized and reach your goals, and opportunities to attend and lead workshops.

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment and tell me 1) Why you need to get organized and 2) What is the most difficult thing for you about organization. That's it! No facebook page to post on, no twitter pages to join, yada yada yada! (Although you are free to share this post with any moms who you think might be interested in being more organized.) I will announce the winner on Tuesday evening, March 8th. I just recieved mine and can't wait to get started! Good luck to everyone!

Mommy's Naptime 101

2011-02-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Ok. I am coming out of the closet. I love naps! I take one almost every day! I really can't survive without them. I thought that I was probably the only mom who has an established naptime until I found this amazing article by April Perry. She even has scientific documentation about our need to have an afternoon nap! I love her hints and suggestions as well as her unfailing honesty. If you have a minute (and dont need a nap at the moment :) ) take a look!

Mommy's Naptime 101

A Sweet Valentines Card

2011-02-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

My daughter ( a pre-schooler) received a valentine from a boy in her class. On the back it had this poem that I have to share:

I wish you were my Valentine
Though I may not be yours,
And I may, in my ignorance,
Be speaking to closed doors.

I have no inkling of your heart,
No hint what you might say;
But when I think of you the sun
Will just not go away.

There is in you a loveliness
That makes my darkness shine,
And so I'll wait, if wait I must,
To be your Valentine.

Isn't that the sweetest thing you have ever read? I don't know if this little boy gave this poem to everyone (it's likely), but I would like to think that he has a crush on my Sarah!

Wonderful Video from Elder Holland

2011-01-23T22:23:00.001-07:00

Your Shirt is Not a Napkin! (And other things you should never have to say to a child)

2011-01-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need to write a parenting book. It will be called "Your Shirt is Not a Napkin, (and other things you should never have to say to a child).
Actually, I could just as easily say "Your Shorts are not a Napkin," or "Your socks are not napkins," or "Your Brother's shirt is not a napkin," etc. It would include such gems as "...honey, will you please not sit on your brother's face?" Or "Do not draw on your sister's body!" Other things I should never have to say to my children:

We don't wear shorts and a t-shirt to school when it's snowing.
Cheerios are best eaten for breakfast and not dumped all over the exercise room carpet.
Don't drink your bathwater.
Don't pee in your bathwater.
Don't drink your bathwater after you have peed in it!
If you jump off the second story deck onto stacked vinyl chairs, you will probably get hurt.
If you jump on your trampoline while your brother is underneath it, he will probably get hurt.
If you call the police enough times, they will likely come to your home to see what is going on.
If you don't wear your glasses or contacts to school, you probably won't be able to see very well.
If you play video games instead of doing your homework, you will likely get bad grades.

Honestly, I think the book could span volumes!

Send Me Your Best FHE Ideas!

2011-01-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

Speaking of Family Home Evening, send me your best ideas! What has been your favorite family home evening night so far?

Save Money, Live Better

2011-01-03T21:40:00.001-07:00

We had a hilarious family home evening tonight! Actually, it started out quite touching as I read a book called "There" by Marie-Louise Fitzpatrick about a litle child who wonders where "there" is and how long it will take her to get there and what it will be like. You are never told where "there" is. I asked the family where a place was that we all were trying to go, and of course the obvious answer was heaven, where we could live with God. I told them that one way we could get "there" was through the FHE program. I then read them a letter that a father who was a prisoner of war wrote to his family. He could only write a few words so he wrote what was most important to him. I asked each person to magine that they were far away from their family and could not get home. If they could only write a few words, what would they write that was most important to them. Well, after the grumbling, we came up with some precious letters. Sarah wrote "Jesus, I can make cookies in any wheathers." They we talked about a family mission statement. Dallin said "I know, it could be 'Save Money, Live Better.'" He said that is was Walmart's mission statement. I knew it sounded familiar!

Vertically Challenged

2010-12-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

I think my children are "vertically challenged." What I mean by that is that they seem completely incapable of putting anything away if it has to be put away vertically. Things like books, workbooks, files, etc. They can throw it in a basket, drawer, or cupboard, but ask them to put it away straight up with the binding facing out, and they look at you like you asked them to move the moon.

My children also don't know what a hanger looks like. I keep telling them that hangers are those things that are triangular in shape and hang on a rod and that they are very handy for hanging your clothes on, especially Sunday clothes. But for some reason, they just don't recognise them. So they roll their clothes into a ball and chuck them wherever is convenient like the floor, the closet, under their bed, behind the dresser etc. I think it actually takes more time to do that than to just hang their clothes up, but I guess it is the principle of the thing.

You Know Your Kids Are Adopted When...

2010-05-04T10:35:00.000-06:00

You know your kids are adopted when they can do crazy stuff that you can't, like curl their tongue in amazing ways, bend their elbows backwards in ways that they shouldn't, and cross one eye while keeping the other straight! My kids can do the most incredible things! Dallin can also put both feet behind his head. He looks like a human pretzel when he does it. It hurts to look at him. I can put both feet on the ground. That is about it. I can't curl my tongue, bend my elbows back, or do anything fancy with my eyes except see out of them, which, come to think of it, is pretty important. It is always intersting (and never boring) to live under the same roof with 5 completely different gene pools!

Why Do I Bother?

2009-10-18T15:55:00.000-06:00

Last week I made a roasted pumpkin soup. I took a pumpkin, cut it into 2 inch pieces, and put it on a tray. I added onions, Shitake mushrooms, olive oil, and salt and pepper, and roasted it all in my oven. Once it was cooled, I skinned the pumpkin and whirled the roasted vegetables in a blender. I put it in a saucepan, seasoned it to taste and served it for dinner. Everyone hated it.

A few days later I tried Miso marinated Cod. It is a very simple recipe where you take fish, Cod in this instance, and marinate it in a sauce that contains Miso (fermented soybean paste - I know it sounds disgusting), Mirin (sweet cooking rice wine), and honey. It was so bad (even I agreed this time) that I threw the fish in the garbage and said "everyone in the car, we are going to the Olive Garden."

Well the next day, my children, fed up with "gourmet" experiments, decided to take matters into their own hands. They made their own "pizzas." They took some corn tortillas from the refrigerator and added spagetti sauce, cheddar jack cheese and turkey pepperoni. They put them under the broiler and baked them. They looked disgusting. They loved them.

Why do I bother?

p.s. I once saw a vinyl sign that said "In my next house, no kitchen, only a vending machine." Maybe there is something to that!

My Daughter Sarah

2009-10-18T15:37:00.000-06:00

My daughter Sarah loves music. She loves to crank up the volume - just like her dad. She keeps taking my CD's out of my car, taking them to her room and listening to them at full blast. Today I found her in there listening to my Sarah Brightman CD on volume 10. She is three. She also loves to dance. One of her favorite movies is The Nutcracker. Not Barbie in the Nutcracker, but the real Nutcracker. All ballet and no talk. She even sleeps in her "Clara shoes." She moves around the house and kicks up her toes and twirls and whirls (and even has a very cute finger flutter move like the one Odette does in Swan Lake). She thinks she is a ballerina. But she is built for football. She is only three, but she weighs in at 46 pounds and is 42 inches tall. She is at least 8 pounds heavier than her older sister and two inches taller. I don't have the heart to tell her that she will never make it as a ballerina. Unless they have reinforced floorboards. Who knows, maybe she will do both. In the meantime, it fills me with joy to watch her dance and sing and become her own "little" person.

It is so much fun to watch all of my my children love things that I haven't taught them how to love, things that they undoubtably learned to love before they came here. I marvel that these little people have so much personality, so many distinguishing traits, so many individual characteristics - right from the get-go. It is nice to know that there are some things I just don't have to teach them.

Joy in the Morning

2009-09-13T14:59:00.000-06:00

It's been a stressful week. I have had school issues, children issues, extended family issues, and so on. I feel like I have had so many issues coming at me at once that I can hardly catch my breath. Some days I wonder if life is just all stress and no joy! I asked my husband if it was just going to be like this from now on. I was contemplating these thoughts one morning and then discovered a talk by Elder Lance Wickman in a May 2008 Conference Address entitled "Today." In it, Elder Wickman spoke about returning to Vietnam after 40 years, where he once served in battle as an infantry officer. He said that what he found was most unexpected. He said that "Instead of finding a war-ravaged people, I found a youthful, vibrant population. Instead of a countryside pockmarked by shell fire, I found peaceful, verdant fields." He was reminded that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).

I was grateful for that gentle reminder. For all of us who weep today, may we find joy in the morning!

Favorite Children's Books

2009-08-30T16:10:00.000-06:00

Our second home is the library. I have a love-affair with books! Mostly books for me, but I also love children's picture books. I love great illustrations, but for a book to be memorable for me it has to have great prose or lyrics. I love books that are rich in metaphors, or have a clever storyline. I love ones that make you feel, or think, or laugh. Here are a few great ones we checked out this week.

Only a Witch Can Fly, by Alison McGhee
One, by Kathryn Otoshi
Quack and Count, by Keith Baker

Other perennial favorites (just to name a few):

Dimity Duck, by Jane Yolen
HopToad, by Jane Yolen
Old Dame Counterpane, by Jane Yolen
(Actually, I love just about everything by Jane Yolen!)
Go, Dog, Go, by P.D. Eastman
Snow, by P.D. Eastman
Anything Dr. Seuss!
I am not Going to get up Today, by Dr. Seuss
Princess Me, by Karma Wilson
Here's a Little Poem, collected by Jane Yolen
Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel
Just in Case you Ever Wonder, by Max Lucado
Elvis Presley's Love me Tender
All Toot and Puddle books by Hollie Hobbie
A Job for Wittilda, by Mark and Caralyn Buehner
Fanny's Dream, by Mark and Caralyn Buehner
Snowmen at night, by, you guessed it, Mark and Caralyn Buehner

Send me your favorites!

Mother Moments

2009-08-26T14:12:00.000-06:00

I am running out of pre-schools for my daughter Kathryn to attend.

I keep burning bridges at all the schools in town. I have this problem. I am chronically late. It's a disease and I am hoping someone finds a cure quickly! At the last two pre-schools my kids attended, I was too late too often and I am afraid to even show my face again there!

Last year my daughter Kathryn attended Learning Dynamics in Riverton. On most days, I was almost always the last mom to pick her up, but on a couple of occasions I was so late, she had to be babysat by the director herself (I know I am filled with shame as I am writing!). The first time I was just at Costco trying to fit in a few more items before I raced out. But I never anticipated how much time it would take me to get checked out and back to school. I think I was 10 minutes late. When I arrived, Kathryn was coloring at the front desk with the director. The director was a good sport about it, greeted me warmly and said it was "no problem." The second time I took an ill-advised trip downtown with not even remotely enough time to get back. I was sure I could squeeze the errand in. I was about 15 minutes late. Again, Kathryn was sitting at the front desk coloring, and the director was again a good sport about it. The third time (I know, there actually is a third time,) I was at home. Doing nothing. I just plain forgot. One moment I was cleaning or something, the next I was in a panic because I couldn't find Kathryn. I then realized with horror that she was at pre-school, but her session ended a half hour ago. I guess they were so used to me being late, that they didn't even bother to call me. I raced over and again Kathryn was sitting at the directors desk, but this time the director wasn't smiling as broadly. She said to me, "Kathryn got to finish her whole picture this time." Ughh. I wanted to crawl under the table. She said she asked Kathryn where I was and that Kathryn replied: "Oh, she is shopping at Costco." The director must have thought I lived at Costco.

This year Kathryn is at Challenger. I hope to have a better record this year. Because I don't know how many more preschools there are left in the valley!

Beijinhos Anyone?

2009-08-16T15:23:00.000-06:00

I went to the movie's the other night with a couple of sister-in-law's and my sister-in-law Jill asked me when I was going to post a new blog! I didn't think anyone was paying attention! I guess I need to get writing, if only for my own benefit.

I met a new gal at church today. I have decided that American women need a way to greet women. Whenever I meet a new woman, I always smile, and greet them in a friendly manner, but otherwise stand there awkwardly. What do I do I think to myself? I don't mind offering my hand to a male, but to offer my hand to a female seems so, well, manly. It just feels a little awkward. So what do we do? Hug? Too intimate. Even if I were brave enough, I think someone might want to call the police. The Portugese offer beijinhos (little kisses). I spent two weeks in Portugal with my husband several years ago. Every time I was introduced to a woman, she would lean over and "pretend" kiss both of my cheeks. It was a warm and wonderful way to meet someone new. But we don't do that over here. Maybe we come up with something and start a new trend. Any suggestions?

The Low End of Normal

2009-07-05T14:08:00.000-06:00

I have had my share of aches and pains. Or course I don't have any serious diseases, and I probably really only suffer from a bad case of whining. But every once in a while I decide that an ailment is significant enough that I want to get tested for something and see if my aches are real or only imagined. Almost invariably my test results come back showing that my levels for whatever we were testing for were on "the low end of normal." Whatever does that mean? Is the low end of normal really the high end of abnormal? What in the world do I do with that? Maybe for me, the low end of normal isn't really normal at all. Maybe I am doomed to a life of "low end of normalcy." I guess that is how I feel most days! Isn't there something for those of us who continually find ourselves on the outermost ends of the bell curve? Maybe I will start a club. I'll call it the LEON (low end of normal ) club. Want to join?

The Truth Hurts

2009-07-05T13:40:00.000-06:00

On Mother's Day, my daughter's pre-school hosted a short program and invited mothers to come and watch. Among other things, they read entries from our children's journals. The teachers had asked the children questions and wrote their answers for them on a piece of paper. One teacher had asked my daughter when her mother was the happiest. Her reply? "When she puts me and my sister down for a nap!" How did she know? How had she sensed that what I really look forward to every day is that two hour block of uninterrupted time all to myself?! Of course I was very embarrassed. But not as much as another mother whose child's response to the question of what does your mom do during the day, was "Oh, she mostly watches t.v. and sleeps."

The next time I am invited to a Mother's Day program at one of my children's pre-schools, I think I will fake a head cold. Because the truth hurts!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2009-05-06T13:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I gave my kids a little booklet to fill out for Mother's Day. It was a book that my son Ryan had started a couple of years ago and never finished. I asked them to fill out a page in it entitled "Things my Mother Does Well." I advise you never to do this sort of thing if you are not feeling confident or are not prepared for the answers you might get! Here are their responses:

Dallin (9)- cook, kiss, snuggle, and hug.
Ryan (11 3/4) - jokes, petting gentle goats (that is an inside joke) and loving me

When my son Ryan said "loving me," I felt that was one of the greatest gifts he had ever given me. And with Dallin, every night I go into my boys room and do "tucks and snuggles." It justs means that they get tucked in and hugged and kissed. It was nice for me to see that it meant something to Dallin. But lest you think I am some sort of perfect mother, let me tell you that a few years ago Ryan was asked to answer the same question. But that time he said "My mom is really good at saying 'do this, do that.'" That is probably a more realistic picture of my mothering.

My daughter Kathryn (4 1/2) said: shower and take naps.

Okay, that one is embarassing. I must admit, I love to take naps! But it isn't my fault that God gave me so many kids, without giving me the energy I need to take care of them. Actually, maybe it isn't really God's fault. But whatever the reason, I really do need a quick snooze just about each afternoon to get through the day. My mother in law used to tell me that someday I would get to a point as a mom where I could fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I used to think that would never be true for me. Turns out, she was actually a prophetess!

As far as the shower is concerned, I also have the bad habit of sleeping in (if you can call sleeping until 7:15 sleeping in). Every night before I go to bed I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. I fully intend to and am actually excited about getting up early and getting a head start on my day. But by the time my alarm rings in the morning, I can't think of one good reason why I should. So I usually don't. I go back to bed and wake up just in time to get my children off to school, and then after the breakfast dishes are done, I will go shower. Apparently Kathryn has noticed. Her mother's life is one big shower in the morning and a nap in the afternoon. Nice!

Quote for the day: I went to the woods because I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life! And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. (Walt Whitman)

Okay, okay already, I have decided to join the masses.

2009-05-05T21:38:00.000-06:00

I have decided to start a blog. After all "everyone is doing it!" Actually, that is usually one of the best reasons for me not to do something! But I have a secret yearning to be a writer (Although I guess it is no longer secret). Only problem is that I lack the time, talent, and creativity that it takes to be a writer. Other than that, I'm perfect for it! I mean, I must admit that when I discovered Stephene Meyer and her fantastic Twilight series, I was incredibly envious. Totally green! How does a full time mother do that sort of thing? How did she get the time? The brains? The creativity? The story lines? It just isn't fair. Well, I don't think I can write books, or great stories or anything of that nature. But I decided I can write small anecdotes about what I spend most of my time doing and that is mothering. I have told my father lots of stories and every time he keeps telling me I need to write a book and publish my stories for others to read. Well, a blog seems like the easiest and fastest way to do that. And who knows, maybe I will write on other topics too! Maybe I will go completely wild and add a picture or two!

I have always had a love-affair with words. I majored in English Literature, and am a voracious reader (if you can be voracious part-time). Hopefully I can write something that will be of interest to some of you, if not, then I will have a few more journal pages to leave for my own personal legacy.