Saturday, January 8, 2011

Your Shirt is Not a Napkin! (And other things you should never have to say to a child)

I have decided that I need to write a parenting book. It will be called "Your Shirt is Not a Napkin, (and other things you should never have to say to a child).
Actually, I could just as easily say "Your Shorts are not a Napkin," or "Your socks are not napkins," or "Your Brother's shirt is not a napkin," etc. It would include such gems as "...honey, will you please not sit on your brother's face?" Or "Do not draw on your sister's body!" Other things I should never have to say to my children:

We don't wear shorts and a t-shirt to school when it's snowing.
Cheerios are best eaten for breakfast and not dumped all over the exercise room carpet.
Don't drink your bathwater.
Don't pee in your bathwater.
Don't drink your bathwater after you have peed in it!
If you jump off the second story deck onto stacked vinyl chairs, you will probably get hurt.
If you jump on your trampoline while your brother is underneath it, he will probably get hurt.
If you call the police enough times, they will likely come to your home to see what is going on.
If you don't wear your glasses or contacts to school, you probably won't be able to see very well.
If you play video games instead of doing your homework, you will likely get bad grades.

Honestly, I think the book could span volumes!

1 comment:

  1. Yups... there is something that is a gate or trigger in our children's head that if Mom's says not to do it... One must certainly experiment and try it. And somehow with some children if you try and do the reverse psychology thing... well... they just do it to the "n"th power. N being your threshold. Yet we know if we don't say it, we will be guilt-ridden that we at least didn't try; otherwise, they will tell Oprah, "My Mother never told me not use my brother as a napkin."